Regarding pronouns.
"They-them" makes me feel seen. It's where I live these days.
"She" makes me feel honored, but misgendered. Imagine how I'd feel if you handed me an honorary doctorate. The title is unearned, but I accept it.
In public I'm frequently mistaken for a man. People call me "sir," as in: "Your table is ready, sir." Sometimes these people will later code me as a woman. They will feel mortified that they mistook me for a man. They will think they have insulted me. There is no need to apologize. I am not offended by you thinking I'm not a woman. "Sir" is perfectly fine in my book.
Sometimes I get pushback from foreign language presses about how a singular "they" pronoun doesn't exist in their language. When this happens I ask them to default to "he," when referring to me, because both "he" and "she" are equally incorrect, and if you're going to misgender me in print then I'd rather have it feel slightly uncomfortable for you, too.
Regarding how I self-identify: I'm in my happy place with the words "non-binary" and "nonbinary" and "gender-queer" and "genderqueer" and "autistic." I seem to have a slight preference for the hyphenated versions (non-binary, gender-queer) but I think that is because I'm autistic.
I don't align well at all with "neuroqueer" or "neurodivergent," which are words people use for me sometimes. Why don't these words feel right to me? Hmm. If you ask me on another day I might have an answer.
